


The Way We Were

by oceanofyous



Series: This Time In Our Lives [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Panic Attacks, bucky barnes deserves happiness, idk what this is, or kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 13:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17602376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanofyous/pseuds/oceanofyous
Summary: "Do you even remember them?"Bucky remembers all of them. He sees them in his dreams, and in the dark corners of the room when he wakes up sweaty and breathless from a night of restless sleep.





	The Way We Were

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this short mess after a 2am civil war rewatch yesterday because i had bucky feelings that i needed to let out. its short and unbeta'd so read at your own risk

Bucky remembers all of them.

He sees them in his dreams, and in the dark corners of the room when he wakes up sweaty and breathless, from a night of restless sleep.

He remembers their screams and their prayers and them pleading him to _please, don’t do this._ Some nights he is awakened by Steve who heard him scream or cry, and the man wraps him in his arms and holds him close to his chest until his breathing is back to normal, and the tears have dried on his cheeks. Other nights Bucky locks the door and stays in his room, curled up into himself on the floor until the sun comes up and the voices finally grow quiet, turning into a low buzz in the back of his mind.

Bucky remembers all of them and it makes it feel like his chest is collapsing under the weight of his guilt, and anger and the _pain_ he has caused.

He knows that the memories of the murderer, the soldier, will never go away. He sees them every time he looks at his hands, which makes him grateful for his new arm, the old one just a reminder of what HYDRA did to him and what he did to others. But fragmented memories of who he used to be before are slowly coming together piece by piece; images of dance halls and locks of golden hair, worn out sketchbooks, and stolen kisses in the dark.

Bucky remembers all of them, he knows that that will never change. But when Steve puts his hand in his and he can feel the warmth spreading from his calloused palm, out to his fingertips and up the length of his arm until it finally reaches his chest, he feels a small piece of the weight being lifted from his body, and he can breathe better again, If only for a second.

Bucky remembers all of them, but now he also remembers the man he used to be before the war, and can finally work on who he is now. Work on who he wants to become in the future. He has found his way into the arms of a man with golden hair and kind eyes, and he can finally feel safe knowing that he won’t have to run anymore, because now, finally, he is home.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at oceanofyous and twitter @quitemagicals:)


End file.
